Almost

It's that almost time of year. I took Pepper on a walk and the smaller neighborhood tree buds are just about to pop. So close that tomorrow, or maybe later this afternoon, I suspect that there will be leaves. Real leaves.

It's a relief.

I've never been good at waiting. I was the kid who couldn't sleep on Christmas Eve. After sleepless hours waiting for the house to go quiet, I would stumble out to the tree and organize the presents into piles. I passed the time by counting my presents, piling them up, and doing the same for everyone else's. Finally, I would rearrange them all and go wait in bed. I did eventually sleep, but no more than a few hours. It was tortuous.

It was a relief when my family began opening most of the presents on Christmas Eve, like my mom's family had done when she was a kid. I could finally get some rest.

Waiting is  why I don't like to travel. This is true. I've lived on three continents, traveled to and through more States and countries than I have the energy to count right now, but I don't like car rides or planes, and especially buses. I don't like them because while I'm on them I'm waiting to get to my destination.

Well, and because they smell funny. And the toilet issue (Fun fact. I made a couple transatlantic flights before I finally gave in and used the airplane toilet. I don't recommend this, btw). 

I talked to someone this weekend who had traveled to China. Fifteen hour plane trip. Eleven was the most I've ever done, and I think I will just plan to never go to China. It makes me physically cringe to think of living over half of a day in the in-betweeness of a plane ride.

When we travel as a family, even in the relative freedom of a car, I hunker down and try to be civil, but they know to not expect much. I'm friendlier once we've arrived.

This weekend at our church retreat, we talked about light and darkness. On Good Friday, kids and adults together listed facts and ideas about light. On Saturday we did the same exercise with darkness. I thought about how darkness makes me long for light.

This long Winter made me long for Spring in a way that I never have before. Spring has always been a welcome relief after Winter, but this year is different. March was hard. Not knowing when the weather would finally turn, when buds would appear, when the snow would be gone; the indefiniteness of the waiting made it dark and tiring for me. 

The hardest waiting I've ever done was in the middle of our years of fighting infertility when we lived in Gabon. The beginning was hard, as it was clear as we started to "try" that something wasn't right. But still, we had statistics in our favor. Most couples do get pregnant within two years; we were hopeful.

Our last year of trying was also manageable. I had undergone surgery to remove endometriosis, and statistically (again), I would get pregnant within the year if endo was the cause. The calendar year after the surgery contained the waiting. A clear ending made it less painful.

But that middle time of not knowing what the end would be, what we should or should not do, or what God was up to was hard and dark.

I'm not living in an in-between time right now. I pretty much know what I'm up to and what's around the corner as much as any of us do. And I'm thankful, knowing that those waiting times that are so hard for me are not forever. They come and go.

For those living in that in-between time, I do pray for faith and hope. This weekend, Pastor Keith asked one of his kids to come up and hang onto his leg. She wrapped her arms around first and then her legs and held on. He said that this was an illustration of faith.

There have been times when my faith has felt that desperate, that clingy.

But there have been times when others have held me up, and I know that I am held up with arms stronger than mine or my friends'.

The Lord is faithful in all his words

and kind in all his works.

The Lord upholds all who are falling

and raises up all who are bowed down.

Psalm 145 verse 14

Ahhh, Spring

Spring!

blue sky

breaking out the barbecue

gathering to eat on the deck

buds on the trees

new leaves

perennials rising up after the long Winter

and the brave daffodils, first up

and first

to be pummeled

back into the ground.

P.S. Peps thinks it's great. She enjoyed our week of Spring and figures it's Winter now. So, it's time to eat snow, dig in it, lay in it, and come inside occasionally to chew snow clumps off of her fur.  

Pepper says, "Seize the day! Embrace the snow!"

 We should change her name to Pollyanna.

These Days

The white bleeding hearts. Pink ones appeared out back a couple days later.

It's been a long wait until Spring, but it has fully arrived. And our yard is a delight. I can't name much of what's coming up, and all I've done to contribute to the process was to clear some leaves out of the flower beds. Definitely a case of reaping what I didn't sow.

Lots of lovely tulips. Most are yellow, but there's a lone red one in the back.

So the wait for Spring is over, but I'm in another holding pattern as we're waiting for results of special education testing for Anna. The meeting with school personnel is in two weeks. Anna is actually enjoying the testing process, which is a big change as we both cried during and/or after previous episodes of testing in France with both the occupational therapist and the neuropsychologist. Testing during school hours with someone she trusts is so much better and likely a much more reliable measure.

She said that she did some math testing today--that it was fun and hard. Two words that don't generally go together in Anna's world.

I spent some time today re-researching sensory processing disorder online and managed to freak myself out. Some people find help in restricting dairy and gluten. I'm having enough trouble these days juggling our schedules and dietary preferences--the thought of going dairy and gluten free sent me into a near tizzy of wondering what Anna would possibly manage to eat within those confines...

And purple flowers

But then, I took a deep breath and closed my browser windows of kid-friendly dairy/gluten free meals, and decided to wait. We'll get results. We'll find out what resources are available through the school. We will think. We'll pray. We'll plan. We'll decide on priorities--a nutritionist? Occupational therapy? Tutoring over the Summer?

And we'll enjoy this beautiful place full of flowers that we didn't plant and maybe add a few of our own.

Odds and Ends

Today it's raining, and I don't mind a bit. It was only this weekend that the last bit of snow melted from the north side of the house, and yesterday's 80 degrees seemed a little premature.

I do feel greedy for Spring to arrive fully arrive though. There are buds on lots of the trees, but no leaves, and I'm ready to be surrounded by green again.

Notice Pepper attempting a photo bomb from the left, but I was too fast.  Hah!

There's plenty of green popping up though. I don't remember what much of it is, but I'm extraordinarily grateful that the previous owners were kind enough to plant plenty of perennials that they assured me needed minimum care.

I just raked out the beds, and I try to keep el doggo from tearing too much of it up.

This is the butterfly garden in the front, which has grown up lots this week.  Pepper does have a penchant for tearing up a fernlike thing here. 

On another subject, I've always endeavored to keep my house a glitter-free zone--as in, no glitter crafting. I just don't like finding glitter weeks, months, years later.

Unfortunately, there was a cache of it in a box of crafting supplies I picked up at a garage sale last fall, and Anna discovered this weekend when I was out.

Some bits on her floor...

When Anna crafts, she spreads out on her floor. I have swept, vacuumed, etc, but the glitter is everywhere.

bane of my life

I'll likely be finding errant sparkles twenty years from now.

Anna doesn't know that I hate glitter. The battle was already lost when I discovered her awash in the stuff. She had put some of it on the top of her head. I didn't ask why. A little more comes out with each shampoo. And she was being creative and independent--both traits that I encourage as much as possible. 

So I didn't scold, and we didn't have time to do a big clean up at the time.

And I was the one who brought the wretched stuff into our home.

So, if you need a little extra sparkle in your life and are in the Fort Wayne area, come and sit on a couch, go to the bathroom, or if you want lots of sparkle, go and hang out in Anna's room for a minute or so. I'm trying to stay sparkle free, but just noticed a stray on my right forearm...

Spring

Spring has sprung here. After eleven years of the tropics, I'm not used to the suddeness of it. Last week was winter. This week is spring. Just like that. Amazing.

Old people are basking on park benches. People in the streets look happy. The general strike on Tuesday may have had something to do with that. Although thousands were out demonstrating, thousands were strolling through town with their kids. Buses weren't operating, so we had no choice but to stay close to home and enjoy the 70 degree perfection.

My kids had Wednesday off from school, so we hopped on a bus and ventured up to see the old fort at Mount Boron. We traipsed through the trails, hunting for rabbits and adventure. Justin packed a microscope and compass and led us on our explore. Anna pointed out new flowers so we could capture them with the camera.






The views were absolutely stunning. They blew me away. Take a look...





And I live here. It costs a dollar to take the bus to this place. And I can go whenever I want to. Amazing.