Adoption Soapbox

As an adoptive parent, I am sensitive to the way adoption is portrayed in the media. Adoption is often seen either as a second best kind of solution to parenthood or the more noble path—as in, “It’s wonderful of you to have adopted.” For us, we definitely don’t feel like we’re living a second-rate kind of parenthood. And there’s not anything particularly noble about us—as any of you who have seen us with our children for more than a couple hours know.

So, why the soapbox today? Well, Wednesday I read the news on CNN about the tragic death of seven siblings in Florida. I was struck by the tragedy of it, but was also surprised by the caption of the grieving mother, which read, “Barbara Mann, the adoptive mother of the Mann children, is consoled at the crash scene.”

Besides wondering how appropriate it is of news agencies to be snapping pictures of people in deep grief, I wondered why it was necessary to point Barbara Mann’s status as adoptive mother in this moment. Was her pain supposed to be less because the children were not biologically hers? Or maybe more? Or was it just about giving complete information?

Scott and I are fairly open about our adoption story. We are adoptive parents, but we are mostly just parents. I don’t introduce Justin and Anna as my adoptive children, and they don’t think of me as their adoptive mommy.

In any case, in that moment, Barbara Mann was a mother grieving a devastating loss. And as I prayed for her, I prayed as a fellow parent, not a fellow adoptive parent.

If were more of an activist, I would have written a letter to CNN. Apparently, someone else did. Last night, the picture was there with a caption that read, “the mother of the Mann children.”